First grade

Jonathan is going to be turning five in not very long. Here in the U.S., in particular in the town of P-o-o, that means he is eligible to start kindergarten in the fall. This Friday is kindergarten registration.

But I don't want to send my little boy to kindergarten. I think he needs to go to first grade.

Ah, you say. You are one of those mothers. One of those pushy ones who thinks their child is too good for kindergarten and needs to skip ahead. And we all know what happens to the children of those types of parents. They are whiny and tiny and never fit in with their peers. By the time they are eight years old they are burned out and/ or rebellious, and come home with multiple piercings and tattoos. Those children.

But like one of those mothers, I still think I'm right. In fact, Tim and I think that we actually have a six year old living in a four year old body. Somehow his body is on superdrive. It doesn't work with the typical calendar. He has aged beyond his four years. In fact, now I'm worried that he'll keep aging in hyperspeed, and be old and decrepit 20 years earlier than most. Under those circumstances, shouldn't we move him up in school to match his body? Pack in all the living we can while we can?

Here is my evidence that he is six in disguise.

1. Jonathan is taller than all four year olds, most five year olds, and many six year olds.

2. We purchased lots of size 7 clothing for him in December. He hit another growth spurt in the last two months, and now the size 7 clothing is getting too small.

3. He reads at about a 2nd grade level. I'm actually making that up because I don't know how a second grader really reads, or what 2nd grade level would be. But it sounds impressive when I write it assertively.

4. He likes school. Traditional school. He likes to get 100% on spelling tests. He likes filling out worksheets. He is proud of his worksheets and likes to show me all the cool things he does in school. Like fill in blanks and add and subtract.

5. He is currently in kindergarten, and his teacher tells me often that she forgets he is a year younger than the others. He fits in mentally, socially, and physically.

6. His six year molars have grown in already. And his front tooth is loose. I, however, lost my first tooth when I was six.

This became a blog post today because I took Jonathan to the dentist this morning. First the hygienist and then the dentist looked in his mouth, looked up surprised, and asked him again just how old he was? His permanent teeth are coming in a year early.

So even his dental work indicates that he is ready for first grade. Who is going to argue with a dentist? I have never argued with a dentist. I have argued with lawyers and teachers and mathematicians and policemen and politicians. But I have never argued with a dentist. At least not while in that dental chair with his hands stuck in my mouth and that sucking thing hanging onto my lip. Nope. No possible way to argue with a dentist.

Therefore, Jonathan needs to go into first grade next year.

Now the trick is getting him into first grade.

I called a private school and told them he would be starting first grade, and did they have an opening? We're going to tour the school, particularly the first grade, Monday morning. Maybe I should bring up the birthday discrepancy during our visit. Or should I?

I called the public school and told them that by some problem with the calendar, my son was scheduled to be held back in kindergarten next year. The woman I spoke with was friendly enough and said that they could test him in August to see if he is ready for first grade. Can I risk not knowing where he's going until August?

I would like to pull the school administrators all together, set them into comfortable reclining chairs, put some pointy metal scraping thingies in their mouths, maybe throw in a drool sucker for good measure, and then tell them that Jonathan is going into first grade next year. I betcha they wouldn't argue.