18 months ago, we moved into a house that had been lived in and loved by an elderly couple for nearly 40 years. After 40 years in a house, it seems understandable that it would be hard to move. Not just psychologically hard. Think of all the crap you gather in just one or two years. Now try 40. The former owners had so many cabinets and corners and closets to store their crap in, that they did not find it all. A year after having purchased the house, the former owner came to visit and Tim offered him boxes of photos (he took), fabric (declined), toys from the 1970s (declined), and several packages of toilet paper. Declined.
The former owners of this house left two huge cabinets stocked completely full of toilet paper. The upstairs cabinet was full of regular toilet paper. You know, the kind you can buy at the store that is snuggly soft and yet strong....
The downstairs cabinet, however, was full of package upon package of colored toilet paper. The two colored options are avocado green and mustard yellow. A little while ago, Tim opened one of said packages and put the toilet paper into one of our bathrooms. The stuff was brittle, scratchy, irritating, and definitely no longer matches the decor in that room.
And yet, when it ran out, he put up another avocado roll! Why? I asked. Because we have it. We might as well use it up. This from Tim?
Opening the package, he laughed when he pointed out that we could have mailed in a coupon for free bath tub decals -- if we had acted before 1977.
That's right. Our toilet paper is over 30 years old.
This is where I put my foot down.
We are perfectly capable of shelling out a buck or two per roll of quality, modern, soft, sturdy, quilted, dye-free toilet paper rather than subjecting our tender bottoms to the stuff of the 1970s.
We can keep the other stuff in a hidden cabinet down in the basement, just like the previous owners did. Meanwhile, we will go to Sam's Club like everyone else to buy our toilet paper.
However, in the event of the Apocalypse, assuming that my college community is not among the first to be burned by fire, I'm sure that all the toilet paper will be rapidly purchased from the Sam's Club shelves. And, since it is the Apocalypse, they will be unable to stock more for our consuming pleasure.
If this happens, and we have used up all our snuggly soft stuff, then we may break into the 1970s toilet paper again. But not under any event less dire than the actual Apocalypse.
Dear Reader, in the event of the Apocalypse, if you find yourself low on toilet paper, you are most welcome to help yourself to some of ours.
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4 comments:
I think you should do an Apocalyptic Toilet Paper Giveaway! It's the Christian thing to do.
You don't need to wait until the Apocalypse. I'd say in about 10 years, when Jonathan heads out for a fun night's activities, colored t.P will make him a hit on the late-night activity circuit. And on Sunday morning you won't go to the cupboard and wonder where the heck your three packages of toilet paper went to.
I would have loved to have that stuff when I was about 13 and into toilet-papering houses. Can you imagine?
Why wait until Jonathan is old enough? Find a suitable target and have a little fun using up some of that stuff with a TPing outting.
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