Last lecture

Suzanne recently read the Last Lecture, by Randy Pauch, and sent me an email.

"Have you read it? It made me think of you," she wrote.

Two weeks ago I found myself in the Chicago O'Hare airport, facing an eight hour flight to Frankfurt on my own. The book was lying on a shelf in an airport bookstore. I checked its price and number of pages, calculated the dollar cost per hour of my time reading, and walked away. Too short, and too expensive.

My flight was delayed by an hour. I went back to the bookstore and bought the book.

I finished reading just as dinner was being served on the plane. I cried a little.

OK, I received dinner with streaming eyes and nose.

Freak, thought the flight attendant, handing over dinner.

Freak, thought the guy sitting next to me, sliding further against the window.

Maybe I am a freak.

Suzanne said the book made her think of me. It made me think of me, as well. I found it a very thought provoking, introspective kind of book. In fact, I'm amazed she thought of anyone else while reading it.

On second thought, I also thought of Tim while reading it. He has some of the same connections as the author.

In case you are not aware, it was written by a relatively young university professor (of computer science) who had terminal cancer. It is his reflection on life -- what he had lived, how he had lived it, and how he intended to live the last months remaining. It was motivated by a lecture he gave at CMU, which you can see on YouTube. Actually, you have probably all seen it.

It made me wonder what I would do differently if I knew I had just six months to live.

I would say a few things publicly.

I would tell important people I loved them a little more carefully and frequently. In particular, I would tell Jonathan what a special guy he is. He is a very silly boy, who loves to make people laugh. My cousins say he reminds them of my grandfather, who was a silly guy -- a clown and an eternal optimist and one of the men I admire most. I want Jonathan to grow up laughing.

He is also a very inquisitive boy, with lots of questions. I hope he also grows up asking questions. And finding his own answers. And then laughing at them.

I would tell Tim again that he is the most perfect man in the world. I think Tim would be very annoyed with me if I died in six months, after moving the family here. Very annoyed.

I would want to finish some unfinished tasks. I would want to finish some papers I'm working on. I would probably want to finish out my teaching this semester.

That's crazy! Six months left to live, and I want to finish my work?

Freak, you think, reading this post.

But on the other hand, finishing work responsibilities would be completely consistent with my life choices so far. I feel some comfort in knowing that I am already lining up my time to match those things that mean the most to me.

Or maybe I'm consistently lining up my time incorrectly.

In any case, I hope I'm still around in six months. And I hope I've finished those papers and that teaching. And I love you, family.

Thanks for the suggestion, Suzanne.