Starting posts and not finishing them

I've been starting lots and lots of posts.  Usually they end up being about two sentences long.  And then I sit and think for a while, and work on something else.  It takes me a long time to realize the post is dead and I can't go on.  I keep the empty blog post open in another window for a few days, just in case I find myself ready to write while I'm doing something else.  But I don't.  So it gets killed.

Here are some topics I'm not writing about.

1.  Academic book publishers who make me really mad.  In fact, sometimes they make me so mad that they ruin an entire day, while I sit around thinking mad thoughts and how to professionally turn my mad thoughts into a professional angry letter.  And then I get home and realize my day really sucked, and I don't want to live another day like that.  So the angry letter doesn't get written.  It doesn't.  It hasn't.  And neither has the blog post.  Which means most of my readers don't even know what I'm talking about.  And I'm not going to tell you, because what I really need to do is stop whining and just write the angry letter and get it over with.  But that makes me cringe.  I don't know if the reward of getting the thing fixed is worth the high price of writing the angry letter at this point.

2.  The status of women in my religious sphere.  In my church, there have been a few movements recently to ordain women (yes, I belong to a religion that still does not -- crazy, eh?).  I understand the concerns and desires of these men and women, and I am sympathetic.  And I would like to explain eloquently why I am sympathetic.  But I don't want to join their cause.  Not right now.  Right now, I just want to figure out how to politely correct the person who raises their hand in Sunday School and says that women are naturally better than men, and so they don't need the obligation to serve like the men do.  Dude -- that is called benevolent sexism.  Look it up.  It's not helping.  And no, women aren't.  And your comments make me lean further in my sympathies.  But now is not the time -- not for me.

3.  The status of women in my discipline.  I've been to meetings with women students, in which I was supposed to share "my story".  I've been to meetings with women faculty, in which we were supposed to discuss ways to improve graduation rates among the women in our state.  I've been to meetings with women in my research area, in which we just talked to each other about the cool things we're doing for a weekend.  I liked the third one the best.  You know, I would like to be able to help people, and be a role model for people, and a leader.  But I don't like standing in for Every Woman.  Because I'm not.  And sometimes I say stupid things in public.  And it is unfair to judge everyone else based on me.  Stop it!  But honestly, I really really would like to do what I can to help people -- male and female -- feel comfortable in my discipline, and meet their full potential.  I just don't know how.  And things change slowly, if at all.  And it isn't my fault!  Just leave me alone for a while and let me get my Real work done.

4.  The status of my garden.  The tulips are about to bloom!  They would bloom, if it would stop snowing.  They probably will bloom anyway, because they have already begun the process of blooming, and it's too late to go back now.  I predict a profusion of tulips by the weekend!  I would blog about that, except that I feel like I should include a picture, and that adds a level of difficulty that so far I have not surmounted.  Meanwhile, Tim ordered 2 cubic yards of mulch (that's a lot of mulch), and Jonathan decided he would like to plant actual flowers in the garden space that has been his own for the last three years.  That is right.  Jonathan's mud and rock hill will become a lovely flower garden this year.  As long as the snow hasn't killed off his new transplants.

5.  Family news.  My little brother got engaged.  My parents are preparing for their own Big Announcement. My older brother is moving to Argentina for the summer.  My sister had a baby boy.  But I can't post any of this stuff, because it isn't my news.  It's theirs.  But exciting!

6.  Boring lists of stuff I am doing, and stuff I need to do.  It is useful for me to write such lists, but super boring for you.

In fact, even this post about stuff I'm not posting has turned into a list.  And you just read through it.  (Most of the way.)

I'm not going to finish this post either.  I'm just going to publish.