Cervical cancer prevention

Today I am blogging about cervical cancer.

I typically do not blog about things that will kill you, unless you count my angry husband, but he won't actually kill you, just me for being away for too long and leaving him too many chores at home.

I am blogging about cervical cancer because ... um ... Lena guilted me into it. Er, it is important. And I would like to tell you how to prevent it.

We will start by reviewing the pap smear. The pap smear detects irregularities in the cervix that can lead to cancer. If they are detected early, they can be treated. That is why in the US, it is recommended that you get a pap smear once every year. In the UK, it is recommended that you get a pap smear once every three years. In theory, those extra two extra years would be a good reason to move to the UK, except it doesn't really work that way in practice.

As my most loyal readers know, the annual pap smear is not at the top of my list of my favorite things. The nine of you who were reading my blog last year when I was living in England know that I received a letter in the mail from my local surgery (that's the fancy name of the regular doctor's office) informing me that I needed to get a pap smear. And informing me that because such mail was sent regularly to all the women living in the UK, the rate of cervical cancer in the UK had dropped by 50%. And sure, in theory I could choose whether or not to actually go in to have the pap smear. But if I chose not to go in, and if I died of cervical cancer, then I would mess up all their lovely statistics. So if I were such a huge spoil sport, and I decided not to go in, then would I please sign the enclosed card stating that I was well aware of the horrible risk I was taking by not having a pap smear, and that I might die, and if so and I ruined their statistics it was my own fault for being so stubborn. Thank you very much.

So I went and got my pap smear. Blah.

And it wasn't abnormal.

But if it HAD been abnormal, then the cells of my cervix might possibly have been in a pre-cancerous state. At which point early detection would have led to early treatment which would have saved my life and saved the statistics of the British Commonwealth. Thank you very much.

Well, what Lena wants you to know is that there is now this handy dandy vaccine for women. And while it doesn't replace the need for a pap smear as regularly as you can stand (which won't be more than once a year), the vaccine does in fact block the two strains of the HPV virus which are known to cause the most cervical cancer.

If you still live in the UK, chances are you are getting mail from your local surgery telling you that you need to go get yourself an HPV jab (which means they want to stick a needle in your arm) so that their statistics can become even better. And if you don't want to get that shot, then will you please sign this form stating that you realize that you are a stubborn jack a$s and you are very likely to die and if you ruin their lovely statistics and spoil it for everyone else then you realize it's your own fault for not getting the HPV jab. Thank you very much.

If you don't live in the UK but live here in the US with me, and you would like to improve your own personal statistics for cervical cancer survival, and you are between the ages of 9 and 26 and are female (to increase your chances of owning a cervix), then you, too, can get an HPV jab. Only they will call it an HPV shot in this country. But you can call it whatever you like.

So anyway, in this most informative post here, I believe I have thoroughly educated you about cervical cancer. And if you don't think I did a good enough job, then you can go read this website on your own and write your own post. Thank you very much.

And while you're reading that website and writing your own post, you may notice that the above website mentions a contest. Lena would like you to enter the contest. But I would not. Because it will dilute my chances of winning. In fact, it would ruin all the lovely statistics in favor of my win. So if you are going to ignore this paragraph and enter the contest anyway, will you please sign this letter stating that you realize you are a jerk and if you win the contest and I don't then it's your own fault for entering over my objections. Thank you very much.