In Korea

I am in Korea this week. It is my first time in Korea ever.

In case you have never experienced it, it can be very scary to be all by yourself in a country you've never been to. Where you don't speak the language. Where you can't even read the street signs. Where the basic unit of money is not a dollar or a pound or even 100 cents, but is measured in multiples of 1000. My taxi cost 80,000 won. I think that was about 80 dollars. I withdrew 300,000 units from the ATM. I have never ever withdrawn 300,000 anythings from an ATM, and I tell you it is terrifying to see that number on the screen and click "yes, I really mean it -- really take out 300,000 of them." And then clutch your heart and hope that your account isn't overdrawn.

It is very scary to be in a place where nothing you read makes any sense at all. For example, the following sign is posted on the wall of my hotel bathroom.

I cannot make any sense of that. The first two lines are completely unreadable. The second two lines seem to say, "Please put toilet paper into the trash bin." But that doesn't make any sense. Because toilet paper? That bin is unlined, guys. They can't really mean all toilet paper, can they? I mean, the used paper? Wouldn't that, um, stink a little? But do you think maybe there is a plumbing problem, and if I don't follow the instructions on that sign, then there will be worse things coming out of the bathroom than stink?

This is what I mean. It is really, really scary to be all by yourself in a place where you can't make any sense of the instructions printed on the bathroom wall.

You know, if the pipes are big enough to accommodate the solid waste that I am putting into the toilet, I am going to guess that the pipes can accommodate a little toilet paper too. So that sign cannot make any sense.

Speaking of toilets, the hotel toilet is amazing. The first thing you notice when you use it -- every single time  -- is that the seat is heated. You wouldn't think that would make such a difference in life, especially when the bathroom isn't cold to start with. But it makes a difference. Wow. I could sit there all night.

And then you notice the buttons on the side of the toilet.

Zoom in a little:

I cannot read the instructions on my toilet. There is a square, a bum made out of raindrops, a bum made out of raindrops with an traffic cone on it, three waves, a baby with AUTO printed over its head, some greater-than and less-than signs, and then random symbols and a fan. 

Since I could not make any sense of the other buttons, I tried the button AUTO first. And wow, guys. AUTO is amazing. AUTO means a warm-water massage while you receive the world on your heated throne. Followed by a little blow dry. AUTO was totally totally awesome! I cannot recommend AUTO highly enough.

And I think AUTO may also help us to reach a compromise with the toilet paper situation. After AUTO has done his work, less toilet paper is required. But lest you get the wrong idea, some toilet paper is definitely still required. And that toilet paper is definitely not going into the bin after being needed in that way. I don't care what that sign says in the bathroom.