Writing a book

At work, I've decided to write a book for grad students. I've had some notes for grad students posted on my website for a few years. In the last couple of years, others have asked permission to use the notes in a graduate course, and students have been reading them, and sending questions and feedback. And a colleague-turned-book-editor encouraged me to turn the notes into a real book and get them published by a real publisher.

And I decided turning the notes into a real book is a good idea, in theory.

Here in Australia, grad school doesn't work like it does in North America. There, grad students enter grad school, spend two years taking coursework and shopping for an advisor and a problem, then solve the problem in three years and write a dissertation. The faculty who teach the young grad students can fight over the best ones, and convince them to join their group one or two years in.

In Australia, you skip those first two years. Before you arrive you contact the advisor. Together you decide on your dissertation problem. And then you apply for admission, with the problem in your pocket. You are done in three years.

Before, it was part of my job description to teach early grad students and convince them to work with me from the comfort of my office.

Now, it is part of my job description to recruit mysterious students from Out There in the world to work with me on problems they don't know anything about. And I don't know anything about the students, either. Or where to find them. Or how to introduce them to problems I find interesting.

In theory, if I write a book for grad students that is interesting and fun, then students are more likely to come to me wanting to know more, and I can invite them to come and be my minions. My prodigies.

In theory, if I write a book for grad students, grad students will read my book and they will know who I am and they will think of me as that person who wrote the book that sent them on this lovely path off into the world, and good feelings will come my way.

In theory, if I write a book for grad students, then when my grad students, or even undergrad students arrive, I can hand them the book and tell them that these are the things they need to know as background and let's talk about them. And I won't forget to cover that one topic.

But in practice, writing a book for grad students is hard work. I decide to add topic A and remove topic B. But then topic C should be added. But if so, I really should be putting topic D in there, probably at the end of chapter 4, which was supposed to be finished two weeks ago. And topic D is a little too long and technical. Maybe it will scare the grad students away. Maybe I don't know it well enough. Maybe I can invent my own proof using only a minimal amount of new definitions and a clever example. And then seven more hours have gone by.

And then there are all the voices in my head. I don't know if I should be listening to them or not. They say things like: Do you realize how many hours you have spent on this? Do you realize those are wasted hours you will never never get back? Do you realize that you're supposed to be writing real research papers? And this book doesn't count? It won't count for research, or teaching, or service. You do realize, don't you, that the things you are studying so hard to write in the book were all discovered 30 or 40 years ago? They are not Current. They are not new and exciting. Maybe the field is moving away and they are not even Important. Students aren't going to like this book. No one will use it. No one will read it. Except the experts, in passing. They will read your book, and they will say, this book is terrible. This is a stupid way to talk topic C. Why didn't she say more about topic E? Why did she use that proof? It is too abstract. It is not abstract enough. This exercise is stupid. THERE IS AN ERROR! I would never have written the book that way. Why was this included? There is already a great survey article that covers so much more! Wait, she's just copying the steps in the survey article. This exposition isn't different enough! COPYRIGHT LAWSUIT! I hate this book.

The voices in my head hate my book.

And maybe I am wasting my time, but I'm giving myself until October, and then I intend to be finished. But yes, this writing is sucking away time and life.