Leading

People look to me for leadership. Tonight, that hits me with a mixture of surprise and heaviness. People look to me.

Duh, you say. You have taken on leadership roles. People expect you to act the part.

I didn't apply for any of the major leadership roles I'm currently holding. I was tapped on the shoulder, and agreed the role was important, and thought I had the skill set to do a good job. These roles are just temporary, not really what I plan to be when I grow up. But I have tried all my life to act with integrity, and to be inclusive. Somehow this has been enough for the shoulder tappers. The leader identifiers. The people who have been doing an important job, but don't want to keep doing it when they grow up, and have gone looking for others to take over. Like me.

Leadership is mostly a good thing. I get to be part of important decisions, and I'm at the table when we discuss strategy and new directions.

But unfortunately, over the last month one leadership role has put me in a very difficult situation, requiring me to make a decision with no possible positive outcomes. I've had to choose the best of terrible things. And I've had to convince others that the choice I made is the best of the terrible choices in front of us, even if it isn't the easiest.

We aren't out of it yet. But tonight a decision has been made. Looking back, two things stand out, keeping me awake late into the night.

One, my colleagues really respect me. The amount of respect is surprising, and feels ... heavy. They value my opinion. One colleague in particular was very much set on choosing the easier decision, but he listened and was willing to trust my judgement, and changed his vote after hearing my arguments.

Two, a prayer. Dear God, please let me have advocated for the better of the bad decisions available. Now that I have talked even the belligerent colleague into my decision, please let it be the actual better decision.

I'm going to see this through, but I really, really don't want this job when I grow up. I'm on the lookout for shoulders to tap.

This year's Southern Hemisphere Christmas

 The weather turned warm.

We enjoyed Christmas dinner in the park.

The Cheetos were shipped from the US. The rest is local summer fare.

Merry Christmas, family.

Merry Christmas, seagulls.

The beach photo is from Boxing day, at Sandringham. I went swimming, while Tim and Jonathan sat in the sand. The water was green, but it was a pleasant day for swimming. We headed home before it got too hot. 

 

A collection of December photos

1.Family selfie in the city centre, in front of the city Christmas tree (the sturdy kind that doesn't mind ... the sun and the rain).

2. Inside the chocolate shop. One of my favourite stores.

 

3. Inside the old post office, now a department store. The architectural details warm my heart.

4. The view across the street as we ate lunch outside at a restaurant. It's lovely to have the kind of weather that allows outdoor lunches.

5. View of South Bank, across the Yarra. Daylight.

6. Same view. Night.

7. The early morning balloons are back.

And finally, my university has officially shut down, and does not open until early January. So the holidays have officially begun!

Christmases past

My mom started an email thread. What do we remember about Christmas growing up?

And I tell you, I apparently grew up in a completely different house than my siblings did. 

They remember going caroling all the time, with my dad playing the accordion. I think I remember maybe doing that once. The accordion came out for visits with relatives, though.

And at home, they remember piano music all the time. Ok, Tim says that's a yes. He phrases it something like "all the noise, noise, Noise, NOISE". 

But the piano lived in the basement until my teens, so again, I don't think we're talking about my childhood here. We're talking about my youngest siblings' childhood, which happened after I had grown up and moved out of the house. 

The youngest writes, for instance, that it was a nice tradition how we opened presents one at a time, and got to appreciate what each person received. 

Um. That never happened. Santa couldn't even be bothered to wrap presents when I was a child. On Christmas morning, Dad turned the lights on in the living room, and stood poised at the door with the camera, to capture all the magic as we ran inside and found the new toys stacked by our stockings on the couch. 

To change the topic a bit, it has been weird figuring out what Christmas looks like on the other side of the earth. This is, I think, our seventh Christmas season down under. A problem with northern hemisphere Christmas is that it is inextricably entwined with winter, which makes sense. Along with all the religion, it is also at its heart a celebration of the winter solstice. So which parts stay for the summer solstice? The light-in-the-darkness, warmth-in-the-cold, cozy firelight Christmas doesn't work.

I hate to admit it, but this may have been the first of our seven Christmas seasons in Australia that we fully decorated our Christmas tree. And only because Jonathan took charge.

But there is nothing wrong with sitting on the couch by the Christmas tree in shorts and a T-shirt. Summer is a nice time for Christmases too.