Watching the sparkler burn

I've been assigned too much at work. Assigned too much, taken on too much, neglected to say no too often. It's the same thing for workload. Now that I have an associate dean hat, I am asked at the University level to do things to benefit the University. I am asked at the Faculty of Science level to benefit the Faculty of Science. And I am still a researcher asked to do researcher things. And I wear a president-elect hat in my society that asks for additional things in my country. And much smaller down, I teach a class (that I love). And I have research students (that I worry over). And and and and and. 

And it has come to a head. And it is unsustainable. And I am a mix of frustrated, and angry, and tired, and despondent. But mostly angry. Like a sparkler. You know those sparks are going to burn you if you get too close. And you know you can't touch the stick even after all the flash and lights are gone. 

Stand back! I am BURNING OUT!

Last week, I was asked to represent the provost on a 2-hour interview panel in Malaysia. But I couldn't, because I was meeting the dean and then consulting with my students. And I couldn't attend the two meetings around geopolitical security because my PhD student was graduating, and then I was meeting nine potential candidates for promotion to discuss their cases. And I had to ask for an extension on evaluating the 36 small grant proposals I had been assigned because I had student meetings and research meetings and it was my turn to present. (I pulled a talk from 2016 out of a drawer -- I called it a "greatest hits" talk -- and it actually went really well.) My final exam was due. The national research funding agency wanted public interest statements rewritten by 15 applicants, to be reviewed by my team. I had to approve five budgets for seed funding.

I finished the grant reviews on Saturday night. It only took about 15 minutes per proposal. That added up to eight hours. On Saturdays and weekends. There were 90 unread messages in my inbox by the time I had finished. On Sunday night I got that down to 20.

These people don't seem to understand what they are asking us to do. They don't talk to each other. A pro-VC for infrastructure scheduled a two-day meeting on top of a teaching week, way out in the hills so I have to rent a car -- no one willing to carpool. I scrambled to find a substitute for my class so that my Faculty doesn't miss out. But then on the same day, a pro-VC for education scheduled a strategy meeting around energy. And the provost asked me to join a hiring panel. And I sent my apologies to the dean's executive group that I'd be missing that meeting. And the lab opening ceremony. And the invited speaker for my research group. And and and and. 

This is crazy crazy crazy impossible. 

What kind of crazy is running this ship? 

I want out. I want off. 

Here we go into the hills to talk about infrastructure. Stand back. This sparkler is ON FIRE!