Choices

I made these choices, with eyes wide open. I knew what I was doing. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be work. I made the choices anyway. There has been sadness, and I knew there would be, the inevitable sadness of change. But there has been no regret. I would make these choices again. Looking back, I know I would make these choices again, given the spread of choices before me.

Then why am I still not sleeping? 

Before I made the first choice, the precipitating choice, I thought of these words, from Genesis, chapter 49, verses 14 and 15:

 14 ¶Issachar is a strong ass couching down between two burdens:

 15 And he saw that rest was good, and the land that it was pleasant; and bowed his shoulder to bear, and became a servant unto tribute.

If rest is good, and the land pleasant, is that enough? Is that enough to remain a servant unto tribute?
For some it is enough. For a time, it was enough for me. But with change, it was no longer enough, and I recognized that. And so I chose to look elsewhere, to give up rest.

Then there were other choices after the precipitating choice. Where to go. What to do next. And I chose an option that would be uncomfortable, stretching, but with high opportunity for future happiness. And I am eager and excited. I know I will need to learn. I know it will be hard, and it will be work. But I made the choice anyway. I admit I am afraid. But I knew there would be fear, the inevitable fear of change. There is no regret. I would make this choice again.

But I chose to give up rest. That is why I'm not sleeping.