But not how you think.
In 11th grade English, Ben wrote an essay that was a parody of our class discussion, and Mr W. thought it was so funny, that he read it aloud to us in class.
Um. I played some part in the said 11th grade English discussion, as I decided on my own, late at night, that Lady MacBeth was the unfortunate victim of a misogynistic society, and compiled a page of Shakespearian citations to back myself up. This long list, giving detailed evidence of Lady MacBeth's innocence, I presented the following day to an unsuspecting class of 16-year-olds. Rock. Solid. Evidence.
Anyway, Ben thought the ensuing discussion was hilarious, and he wrote about it in his little essay, which Mr. W. thought was hilarious, and read aloud, to all of us.
And honestly, I have no memory of what Ben said about the validity of my arguments, but I do remember the way he described me. He said I was, and I quote, "beautiful and intelligent."
Wow.
Did he really think I was beautiful? Or did he just put that in for dramatic effect? Probably dramatic effect. Because in all honesty, as a 16-year-old, I knew which girls were really beautiful. They were the ones who were getting asked to prom, for example. Or maybe they were just getting an ice cream or going bowling, but with a boy. Because boys like beautiful girls. I, on the other hand, was spending my evenings digging references out of Elizabethan literature in an attempt to vindicate imaginary Scottish women.
But you know, it stuck.
Me. Beautiful.
Fast forward a handful of years, to me, late at night on Saturday, looking at myself in the mirror, deciding I could really use a haircut. Right Now.
So I turned to my friend Google, and asked her how I could give myself a haircut, and she helpfully pulled up a few clips on YouTube, and within an hour, I had given myself a very modern layered cut and style.
And looking at myself in the mirror when it was over, for some reason I thought of Ben M.
Wow, I said to myself. I am beautiful.
But unfortunately, the haircut looked like I'd turned my head upside down and clipped off the end of my ponytail.
I wonder what Lady MacBeth would think of that?
5 comments:
Um - Jessica.... you have heard of
places where they will cut your hair for a small sum haven't you?
I think at least in some part much of teenage beauty goes back to this quote from Gone with the Wind, "Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were."
— Margaret Mitchell
If only I had realized how much self confidence and charms - (makeup? Fancy hairstyles, flirting) affected the subjective beauty. Then again, maybe I wouldn't have gotten a college scholarship, if I'd been out charming men.
Do you still have that sheet of quotes vindicating Lady Macbeth? It would be great to see - although at least she's a strong female villainous, and not a weak one, right?
Yeah, I know about this. I am always saying now, when I see a young pretty girl: "I never looked like that when I looked like that."
I think I asked the guy to Prom, and then when he tried to kiss me, I jumped inside the screen door and said good night.
I laughed at Anonymous' comment--I swear by my hairdresser!
I LOVE your contrast between the "beautiful" girls who spent their evenings with boys, and the rest of us who spent our evenings at home buried in our books. Amazing imagery, that. And one I can fully relate to. : )
Loved this post!
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