Wireless access

I have a new computer at work. Time to get it registered with the wireless network there.

Tried to log into the secure wireless network, needed a password.

Plugged computer into network, filtered through old mail from IT, found password.

Connected to wireless, typed in password. Wireless was connected, but additional information needed to be entered before I could use the wireless.

Unplugged network, closed web browser. Opened it again. Got to login page. Entered ID and password. Clicked button for mandatory computer scan to be done before connecting to wireless.

Mandatory scan failed. Need to download java.

Plugged into network, downloaded and installed java (20 minutes).

Unplugged network. Closed and opened browser. Got to login page. Entered ID and password. Clicked button for scan. Do you want to allow scanner to make changes to your hard drive? OK.

Scan.

Scan failed. No antivirus software detected.

Open antivirus program. There it is, stupid scanner. Why don't you see it?

Plugged in network, clicked "update" button on antivirus software.

Wait.

Antivirus software is up to date.

Redo scan.

Scan failed. No antivirus software.

Email department IT guy.

His quick response: Click "update" on the antivirus software. If that doesn't work, call his assistant or, last resort, campus OIT.

I reply that I did the update.

He replies: make sure the computer is plugged into the network when you click update.

I plug in network again, click update. Yup. Did this. Up to date.

I unplug network. Try to scan again.

Scan failed. No antivirus software.

I call department IT guy assistant. No answer.

Call campus OIT.

They look up my scan. Scan says I have no antivirus software.

While on the phone, I open my antivirus software. Why is the scan saying this?

IT guy asks, when did you download it?

About two days ago.

Which version are you using?

Find "about" button (hint: it's hiding under the help ?). Version 2.0.

Please hold.

(Elevator music.)

Ma'am? Version 2.0 is not yet supported, and won't be supported for at least a month. Maybe you can download a less recent version of the antivirus software?

Um. Doesn't that defeat the purpose?

You could uninstall yours, and install the campus supported antivirus software.

Um, no. That one messed up my system last year. I'll just go without wireless for a month. (I obviously have a cable.)

Hang up.

Back to work.

Phone rings.

Ma'am? You could uninstall your antivirus program, install ours, register your wireless device and get it into the system, then it's good for four months. Now uninstall ours, reinstall yours, and you're good to go for four months.

Um.... Thanks. I will keep that in mind.