Honestly?

I returned home after a month in Canberra on Saturday afternoon. I hauled my bags through the summer heat in the Melbourne tram system, then up the stairs in our apartment building to dump them in the front entryway with a sigh of relief. Home.

Tim was away for work. Jonathan was out with friends. So for a few hours, it would be just me in the blissful peace of my own space in my lovely living room--

Except what?

The Christmas tree was still up, fully decorated. Looking the other way, the Christmas stockings were still hanging over the fireplace. The full nativity set was still arranged next to the dining room table, one sad camel tipped on its side. 

We had a family conversation on the 5th of January as I was packing for my month-long trip. It went like this.

Me: "Hey I'll be gone for a month. Do you want me to start helping you put away Christmas? If so, it has to be today."

Tim and Jonathan: "No don't worry about that. We've got it. Just finish packing and we love you."

And so I headed off, sure that the Christmas clean up was in good hands.

Up until I found it untouched on 3rd February.

So rather than unpack my bags, I dug out the Christmas boxes and started wrapping up ornaments, folding up Christmas linens, packing away Christmas lights. 

Three hours later everything was done, stashed away back in its box in the high cupboard. Except the tree. I got it into three parts. But I couldn't figure out how to fold the parts into the box. I hauled it into Tim's office and left it for him.

Tim gets back from California today. I'll be at work, but he'll find a partially disassembled Christmas tree on the floor of his office. 

Because nothing brings more warm fuzzy feelings than Christmas.

In Canberra

I've been in Canberra for almost four weeks now, teaching a summer school class. The class has been fun, but pretty intensive, with no breaks. For example I finished planning Monday's class on Sunday night. And then I had to plan the next one on Monday. And then the next one on Tuesday. And so on. And now it's getting late on Wednesday night and I need to organise two hours of material for tomorrow.

*Sigh*

But it has been nice being somewhere a little different, and a little warmer (on average) than Melbourne. We've had multiple days in a row with warm summer weather. That's different and fun and exciting. 

And I've seen a lot of birds and animals in Canberra. 

Like water dragons. 

And red-rumped parrots.

And an echidna -- sorry for the poor photo.

Campus is lovely. 

Over the second weekend, Tim and Jonathan came out to visit. We did some walking.

And a visit to the Canberra mint.

 

And the third weekend, which was a long weekend, a friend invited me to join her family at a beach house on the coast, and that was amazing and needs its own post. 

Anyway, Canberra has been great, and I'm happy to have come. And I'm really ready to go home again. 

*Sigh*

Resolving

To be completely honest, I am burnt out. 

I like working with people, but I haven't been able to keep up with the meetings, with students, with collaborators, with responsibilities. Up until the holidays, I was working most evenings and most weekends just to keep my head above water. I've let a few important balls drop, including one or two when I've been sideswiped by an unexpected migraine. The migraines seem to be increasing a bit in severity as well -- possibly due to the fact that I am aging, but also possibly because I'm doing too much and trying too hard to pretend the migraines aren't there when they've always been there. So rather than looking forward to the new year with anticipation and curiosity, I find myself facing the idea of returning to work with some unwelcome dread. I don't want to go back to the place where I'm letting all those people down again. 

Things have to be different this year. They have to be. But I'm not really sure what that's going to look like. Jonathan has been asking what I'm resolving to do in the new year. I'm not much into resolutions, but I know there needs to be a change.

I've stepped out of one position, effective immediately -- but the paperwork hasn't yet come through, so I'm not sure what "immediately" means. Also, I agreed to write a couple dozen reviews in January related to the old position rather than drop the new person into it. So there is also that. 

And I won a prestigious internal grant this past year, which will allow me to try to focus more on research and less on teaching and administration. So that will also be different. But it comes with strings attached -- I'm supposed to leverage it into an even bigger grant and a big grant application. 

Dread.

I know what I need to do. I need to take things slowly, one day at a time. I need to plan little steps to finish the big projects. I need to devote reasonable amounts of time to homework -- more than I've been scheduling in the past year -- and I need to be able to step between projects. And I need breathing space between projects, not meetings after meetings after meetings. 

My superpower has never been that I am smart or kind or curious, although I aspire to be all of those things. My superpower is that I am organised. I can look ahead to what needs to happen in a year, and I can make the skeleton of a plan, and I can fill in the details as I go. For example, below is the plan that I showed to the committee to win the prestigious internal grant. 

Organised. But not even organisation can overcome a calendar packed completely full. So I resolve to keep gaps in the calendar every week. Every day. Big gaps for thinking and being and solving. 

I hope the gaps will be enough to help my head get back to a better place. I hope they allow space not just to deal healthily with the migraines, but also space to relax and laugh and think and enjoy some of the things I stopped enjoying last year, like reading novels or writing and thinking.

So I guess I resolve to do less. You read it first here. 

Happy New Year

For the last couple of years, we've met up with Jonathan's friends and their parents to watch the city fireworks. One of the main areas for fireworks is only about a 20 minute walk up the road, so we head out there with a blanket and glow sticks. Here are a few photos of the night.

Happy New Year everyone. 

Modelling

Nathan and Michele got us a little model house thingy for Christmas, and I've spent many many hours during the last week, between Christmas and New Year's Day, putting it together. 

I took photos along the way. First is a picture from Boxing Day, 26 December. You can see the piles of stuff required, and the ground floor mostly assembled.

From the 28th December: Here's the 1st floor added, with the bathroom complete.

On 29th December I finished the bedroom and office.

Then the railings and stairs.

Zoomed out view again of the bits and pieces and stuff.

Happy New Year! January 1st pictures of the ground floor furniture: Piano.

Living room and fireplace.

And then finally last night I completed the rocking chair with tea table, and the phonograph this morning.

It has been fiddly, messy, and hugely addictive. Good thing I finished before work starts up again!

Still to do: finish attaching the wiring and the battery. There are five tiny LED lights wired into the structure. 

And clean up the mess. 

Thanks Nathan and Michele!

New traditions

This year will be ten years since we first moved to Australia. We arrived just after Christmas, in full Australian summer, and so began our first experience of not-quite-sure how to celebrate the holidays. We moved here permanently in 2015. We didn't bother getting a Christmas tree until 2021. In 2022, Jonathan put his foot down and insisted that we decorate. From 2015 to 2022, I thought of Christmas decorating as a way to fill a long cold night. It didn't come up here, not when the days were full of light, and greenery, and birdsong. 

Thinking back, I've decided that the Christmas traditions that I grew up with are almost all indoor traditions. Decorating. Baking. Music. Painting. Video games. Here in the summer, I want to be outdoors. Botanic gardens, barbecues, beaches. Picnics. Grass. 

Rather than oranges, we buy boxes of cherries, nectarines, and mangoes. No one wants to bake a heavy roast, even before the boy became vegan.

It has taken some time, but I think we have slowly developed new Christmas traditions that match the summer solstice rather than the winter one. The word "tradition" sounds so formal, though. Rather, these are just things we like to do during the holidays.

1. Walk to St Kilda Beach. 

The walk takes us through Albert park, where the city buildings reflect off the lake. This time of year, the flame trees are in bloom, and they are spectacular.

2. Beach day further down the bay. 

The water is clear and perfect for swimming. If you get there by public transit, you can pick a spot with very little car parking, and the beach is nearly empty even on a holiday. 

3. Barbecue in the park with friends, and staying out late to watch the fruit bats fly over the fig trees. 

4. Long walks through the city and botanic gardens. 

5. Christmas Eve dinner with neighbours. Our empty nest neighbours have joined forces with us, the foreign misfits, for nontraditional vegan Christmas meals. This year we're trying a stuffed butternut pumpkin roast along with avocado and tomato salad. 

And this year we've decorated. 

Merry Christmas everyone.

Sunday in the park

 Who is in the park at 8am on a Sunday morning?

Nobody.

No wait: 

There is someone walking along the sidewalk with the trees.

And here comes a guy with two dogs.

And a couple more people with their dog. 

You may now ask, is there a point to this post? And the answer is no. No not really. Happy Sunday.